watch: animals do it too

I recently found this website that has a bunch of different ways to describe "self-love," and I plan on using plenty of them in this post.

You see, animals are really just like us in many ways. They too like to prime the pump, buff the muff, and take the flute to band camp.

Sometimes they try to use other subjects, but some also figure out how to travel outside of New Jersey and self-serve.

Take this gorilla for example. He's found a toy of sorts in his new toad friend.




Or, they can really rely on the act of flying solo like this dog:



I mean, is there really any difference between human and animal these days?! I'm just not sure...


Okay.. Time to snap back into it.

That gorilla needs to chill out before he gets arrested for rape.

The dog's owners need to leave him alone and let him do his thing! He's clearly sitting comfortably on the couch, watching TV, all by himself. Does he interrupt you when you're doing that?! [He probably does, huh? He doesn't know any better, though!]

Oh man. This is crazy, hilarious, gross, and disturbing all in one. It's what I call a fantastic share.

Do your thing, animals... Do your thing.

love,
elizabethany

christmas gift ideas: part one

My family won't stop bugging me for a Christmas list. I don't have anything specific that I want, so I just keep telling them to check my blog for nifty things.

Now I'm thinking that other people may need gift ideas for themselves, boyfriends, girlfriends, family members, etc, and I can be a huge help! There's only 38 days to go, after all!

So I'm scouring all over the Internet [I love saying that] looking for the nifty-est things to throw under the Christmas tree.

Today I'm looking at items on one specific website, which isn't in the US so for some of them, you may need a currency translation, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.


The Sculpta Sutra Kit
You don't have to try out every position on your own... You can sculpt it out first to see if it'll really work!






Boxing Grannies
Forget the Rock 'Em Sock 'Ems, these grannies make it even funnier! It's a shame they don't have mud wrestling hotties, huh?!








Vinyl-Style Recordable CDs
Sometimes it's fun to go back in time but still have things that will work and play music.







Maggie Thatcher Nutcracker
Must there be an explanation for this gem?









Make Your Own Sex Toy Book
Stop it. This can't be real... But it is! And everyone wants it now.








Shower Radio/Microphone
Who doesn't sing in the shower?! Now you can have your own little karaoke machine with you every morning when you enter your own world.





Chocolate Clone-a-Willy Kit
This would be both great and not so great for you and your partner. Ladies, you get to eat the chocolate [and I guess practice your skills?] while your guy watches you and probably loves it. The downside: it won't keep it's shape forever, you may not want to see every detail, and he's going to want you to just do the real thing.

iBoob Pillow
A two-in-one greatness: A pillow shaped as boobs for you to... Well, whatever you want... That doubles as speakers for your iPod.





Pretty great. Prett-tyyyy great.

Let the countdown continue, and your list grow!!

love,
elizabethany

eva mendes is showin' some skin

There's somethin' about Eva Mendes that is hott, but in your not-so-typical way.

Anyway, that's a known fact. This week has been quite the skin-bearing week for her and it's only just begun!

It started with her racy Calvin Klein billboard in New York.

Apparently parents are going nuts over it saying it's inappropriate, and even officials are stepping in saying it's causing traffic jams and hazards and needs to be taken down right away.

So she's a little sweaty, grabbing a guy's underwear, spreading her legs, and wearing lace lingerie... So whattt?! It can't be that distracting.... Right?!

She also got caught letting a little somethin'somethin' slip out.

You should know what I mean, and understand why you're going to need to click the picture below to see what happened when she turned just a little too much.

Woah, chica!!! You got somethin' showin'!! Watch out! People might zoom in on it!

She literally looks like she just hopped up out of her boyfriend's bed, threw on his shirt, forgot to button it all the way up, and hit the carpet before she could brush her hair.

Her nipple also looks kind of awkward to me... Does anyone agree?

Nonetheless... It's a nip slip... And I know how much you guys love a good nip slip!

You're welcome, and I'm sorry.. It's been a while.

love,
elizabethany

watch: a very whimsical weiner

Duh: Other countries have way more X-rated commercials, TV shows, etc.

I never expected to see anything like this video I am about to show you exist period, let alone broadcast on television.

I think it's a little much for this here main page, so click here to see it and be prepared to have your jaw drop. [Hmmm... That could be taken... nevermind.]



Did you not expect it to be somewhat of a kids' instructional video at first?! I totally did. I thought he'd dance around or something.

Then... Woah. I.... Ummm.... I really don't know what to say. Wow. Just... Wow.

And just in case you were wondering... It's from Belgium.

Wow.

love,
elizabethany

you can't hide a man's happiness

These videos are going to make you giggle, I don't care what you say.

This first one is a man who was on Britain's The X Factor. Let's just say... Uhh... Everyone was looking at the same thing.



How. Hilarious. Is that really his junk, though?! It looks like he stuffed an entire Beanie Baby or something down there!! There's NO way he didn't know about that... Right?! It had to have been planned... Correct?!

Can you imagine being his daughters? Holy wow I think I'd run very very far and very fast.

No matter what, though... The judges said the most perfect things they could have said. Simon Cowell et. all- You are funny.

There's another video that will make you giggle, but it's a little too inappropriate for this here main page. All I will say is it involves animals and you're probably going to watch it.



Seriously, it's totally okay that you just watched it. BAHAHA And it's okay that you laughed! How awkward right?!? Poor guy is trying to perform under pressure and just can't do it!

And uh... Who ever said hung like a horse? I think this rhino has a horse beat.... Just sayin'.

love,
elizabethany

nifty?: everything in one sex toy

This is way more awkward than anything else. It's also way more X-rated than this here homepage. [Especially because I recently found out my boss's niece has/does look at my blog and loves it... She's 8.]

It's called the Concubine Masturbator and there's not much to say except that it has everything you could ever need to have sex. [Although, I'm not sure it has a butt.... Hmmm...]

It's designed more for guys, really. I don't see anything that could do good for a female.

The description on the site makes me blush, too, and that's hard to do! I'm all about talking about everything under the sun but I felt a little uncomfortable reading it! Dang!

Boys- What do you think about this thing?! Awesome? Stupid? Do you want to give it a whirl?! It probably beats the ol' blow-up doll I bet.

love,
elizabethany

naomi campbell is lettin it hang out

Oh boy. Two weeks ago everyone was saying that Lady Gaga had a dingoling, and now it appears that Naomi Campbell might have one too.

Here she is dancing on some stage or VIP section, wearing no undies, with plenty of cameras below. [Hey.. Idiot... Just because you're not doing much with your life now doesn't mean the papz aren't out to get ya!]

I mean... It looks very suspicious... But it might just be a case of Indesperateneedoflotion syndrome or something.

Actually.. No matter what is going on in there, that's definitely an issue she needs to take care of. Nasty.

Get control of your goodies, girlfriend. Whatever those goodies may be.

love,
elizabethany

when your career with disney is over, the girls come out to play

Oh boy.

This isn't too much we haven't seen before. A Disney chic is leaked without her clothes.

Little Miss Vanessa Hudgens is at it again. It looks like some of her sexts.. I mean.. texts... to Zac Efron were leaked to someone not so trustworthy.

Aw, what a pretty smile she has.



Ooh la la! What a nice kissy face and pretty eyes she has!



Wowzers. Those are some knockers.



Okay.. Now she's just a pro at seducing the camera and it's a little uncomfortable.

She has other nice things. Things that are inappropriate for this here main page. Click here if you're ready for it.

What nice matching undies and bra! With a hint of gold! And a nice touch.



Oh boy. Now that's more than a hint of gold. And a lot less than undies and bra.


Aye yi yi! Even LESS than the more than a hint of gold! Is that some p-word hair I spy?!



Well... I don't know there's much more you could ask to see from her at this point. I mean.. You want to leave SOMETHING to the imagination, right?!

Baby V.. Girlfriend... Be careful!

love,
elizabethany

watch: mario's sex tape

Oh my goodness. This is absolutely fantastic.

It doesn't matter how down or in a bad mood you are, this video is going to make you laugh.

The only problem is... I don't want anyone gettin' in trouble for watching, so please click here if you're in the clear.



O.M.G.! How GREAT is it?! Seriously. I don't even know a favorite part, it's all perfect!

Bahaha. I'm laughing out loud. Props to the creators!

love,
elizabethany

celebs are flashing their private parts

It's nothing new. It happens at least once a weekend. Still, depending on the person, it never really gets old.

Two people were "showin' off their goodies" recently. One probably on accident, one definitely not an accident. One male, one female... Or so we think...?

Exhibit A: Soulja Boy on Twitpic.

Homeboy LOVES posting pictures of him half naked or of his millions of tattoos swarming his body. [A little awkward, sometimes...] This time he's trying to show his junk through his boxers and.... I really just don't know what to say about this.

This first one isn't too terrible, it's basically the equivalent of Shawn Johnson's Dancing partner. The second one... You're going to need to click here for.

Who is this guy?! I mean, he's not just sextin' a couple hookers, he's sending this out to millions of people who follow him! Aye yi yi. Plus... Do you really think it's that big?!?


Exhibit B: Lady Gaga on stage.

This has the potential to be even more awkward.

There's always been a rumor that Gaga is actually a man, and people have always tried to point out her penis, but this video could either be proof, or a huge magic trick for the eye.

Here's a screenshot:

People are saying that she has confirmed that she's a hermaphrodite, but I'm not buying it until it's a legit source saying it. Although.... I don't think my eyes are being deceived at this point.


C'mon people... Keep your ish inside your pants until it's at least a little more private, will ya?! Kthanks.

love,
elizabethany

hotties of the week

First of all, I am very sorry for the slowing down on posting lately. As you know, I've gotten pretty involved with the Real World being in DC. [I even have a blog on Metromix now so make sure you check it out!!] HOWEVER! I don't want to slow this down and I promise I am trying to get this back to normal speed. Just bear with me while I get settled in this new wild, crazy, exciting, unpredictable, new life of mine... Please? Thanks. Love you.


Moving right along...

Because I'm a bit slow [Hold up... I mean behind...] there have been some hottie sightings that I have not been able to post, so here we go:

Did you see Katie Holmes on So You Think You Can Dance last week?! All of the sudden this little sex kitten comes out of Mrs. Cruise and she took over the stage!

Now, I don't know if I'd call her the best singer/dancer out there, but WOW! Where did she come from!? It was like seeing little Joey Potter all grown up and sassy! I don't see Mama Holmes in this at all!

Welcome to the MILF life, Katie! Keep it up! No more being boring!


Two ladies were spotted in bikinis! [Well, a lot more than that, obviously... It's summertime!] One- Hott but annoying. The other- Iffy on all accounts.

Miss Tara Reid... I just can't decide if you're hott or hideous:

As for annoying... I present to you Bikini Girl. [AKA Katrina Darrell but who cares what her real name is, right?]

I think I'm mad that she's annoying mainly because she does have a rockin' body, but not that great of a face, so she should have a good personality. Instead, I find her obnoxious while she hams it up for the paparazzi that was following her for some reason. Ugh.

I'm going to get a little more raunchy as we move on here.. Next up: Gisele Bundchen's ads for what I think are her waterproof-like sandals.

Okay so it's obviously uber Photoshop'd, but it's freakin' awesome! Clever, too! They better not pull them from anywhere because of nudity or something.


As for the final chica up for the new "Hottie of the Week" Award, you're going to have to click here... But only if you're old enough to handle it. One word: Boobies.

Her name is Miranda Kerr, and she was simply partaking in a topless photoshoot.

One of these days I'll have a body like these girls. ...Right?!

You're welcome boys! Now vote.



I'm not telling my answer this time! Guess!

love,
elizabethany

say nahnah to gaga's tatas

Lady Gaga: You are weird. I'm pretty sure you're okay with it, though. It's probably all a part of your plan.

This plan of hers was not a good one, I don't think. It wasn't only weird, it was something none of us would really like to see. [Well, certainly not me anyways.]

If you're a big kid and can handle some tatas, click the pic.

Yeah... I don't care what anyone says, thinks, believes, or sees in their imagination, this is NOT a good look.

Fail, Lady Gaga. Epic FAIL.

love,
elizabethany

watch: sex is the new guitar

Let's be honest... It's getting a little old always strummin' on your air guitar when you have nothing better to do. It would be more fun to do something you actually know [or so you think] how to do with something or someone. Like ohhh, I don't know.. Sex, maybe?

In Austin, TX they took the idea from Japan to have Air Sex shows and perform sex on stage with... Well... nothing.


It's pretty freakin' funny [no pun intended.....] so if you're old enough to handle it, go ahead and click here.

"I'm here so that I can masturbate later."
"I want to get laid!" "..With air."

So funny. I wish they would do something like this at a comedy place down here. I would definitely attend.

love,
elizabethany

britney's nips slip! kinda

Last week someone leaked pictures of BritBrit during her Gimme More video shoot that show her exposing her boobies! She has cute pasties or drawings or something on them, but she sure does look happy to be showing you her goodies.

Keep in mind... This wasn't really when she had come back so obviously she's looking rough. At least she's got good boobs!

I don't think anyone is mad at you for this, B... Except maybe Papa Spears.

love,
elizabethany