Monday, December 6, 2010

i spy: something that should not be hanging out

Last week I went to a "rap concert" [I say it in quotes because it was all of the guys who have those dumb rap dance songs on YouTube that make them big] and I am going to have the best I Spy's for you guys the next few weeks.

Up first: This girl who clearly has not a care in the world for letting it all hang out.

Sure, her undies are hanging out. It's nothing I haven't shown you on I Spy before, right?

Well, there's more to it. If you look closer, you see something really, terribly embarrassing.

Ya... That white stuff- a freaking PAD. [Sorry boys.. This is NOT a sexy post.]

First of all- cover that ish up even if it DOESN'T have a chance in showing. Second- if it DOES have a chance in showing, pull your freakin' dress down.

Oh, BTW- This happened at like 10:30 or 11. It wasn't even late yet.

Classy girls at rap concerts/bars... Not looking out for EB's camera. Shame on them, but thanks!


Thursday, November 4, 2010

watch: the craziest, naked, drunken rampage ever

Everyone gets a little crazy when they're drunk. Duh. That's why researchers are claiming it's the most dangerous drug in the world [give me a break].

Sometimes the crazy is scary. Sometimes it's downright hilarious. This video is a little frightening to the eyes, and scary for the drunk man, but freakin' comical to everyone who can watch thanks to YouTube.

Thing is- he's nakey. So if you can handle it, I say go ahead and watch it now.

I've told you a million times that it takes a lot for me to sit and watch a video for more than a minute, and I watched this whole thing! Oh my. He's like Travis the chimp in human form on those cars!

How many of you guys would fight a naked guy?

Pure internet gold right there. Thank you, Internet.


Monday, October 11, 2010

on the racks: kim kardashian goes naked for w

Remember when Kim Kardashian did a photoshoot for Playboy and refused to go completely naked?! Yeah, apparently she's not so afraid of it anymore.

She's featured in W Magazine's Art Issue, and she's bearing it all..

Oh no... It gets better... or worse, depending on what you like. Click the censored versions for a ba-BAM!!! in your face.

Hott or not?! Do you love her bod? [Assuming it's not Photoshop'd at all, even though we know it is.]

I'm honestly thinkin' that may be a little too much booty for me. I love a big butt, but DAMN GIRL! Your ass is on my face right now!


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

courtney love is still a hott mess

In case you were wondering where the H Courtney Love has been or what she's been doing with her life, she's been doin' all the same nonsense she's been doin' forever.

She's taking and tweeting ridiculously not-so-pleasant-on-the-eyes or PG rated pictures....

And pretending she's Lady Gaga while "covering" Bad Romance.

Ya know... They'd probably make quite the interesting team. I'd assume any babies would come out in the form of Amy Winehouse, though.

Oh, girl... I hope you live a decent life. If at all possible.


Monday, October 4, 2010

i spy: sluts on the dance floor

I've been wondering if I should post this or not, and when I teased it today, a certain DJ called me out saying I was "all talk." Pfft. Now it's going up.

At the same bar that I've spotted all the other hooker girls, I found the typical set of girls wearing short skirts and dancing with each other as their goodies were shown to the world.

Why girls think facing each other will cover up anything from being shown is beyond me... All it does is make a guy want to jump in the middle of you two.

...Which I guess is also what they probably want.

Also, guys- putting your hand near, on, or in her doughnut is not going to keep her from showing it off. In fact, contrary to your drunken belief, everyone's going to see it and notice it.

When will people learn that sometimes it's better to just stay home and get a room? Or head home before things get hott and heavy?!
When will they learn that sometimes a little mystery is actually more attractive?!

And when will they learn that EB with a camera is dangerous and not afraid to snap a picture of you... and I'm always on the lookout.

Stop being a buncha hoes out on Northgate. Stop being sketchy guys looking for these girls. Get yourselves together. Kthanks.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

nip slip alert! paris hilton

I'm pretty sure no one really cares about Paris Hilton these days, I'm also pretty sure everyone's seen her boobs by now.

Just in case I'm wrong, I'm going to give you the first nip slip in MONTHS.

She has pretty good boobs, actually! I'm surprised!

The pages are from Nuts Magazine... Something I've never heard of nor have any desire to check out.

You're welcome, boys.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

nifty?: naughty silly bandz

Ya know the new "craze" within teens-Silly Bandz? They're the pack of rubber band bracelets found on the counter at 7-11 or other convenience stores and they're shaped like anything and everything under the sun.

Now they're even getting a little X-rated with it.

Or I guess I should say a LOT X-rated!

For the record, Hicky-contest-havin BFF, this does NOT mean they're cool for big kids. These are just something to be on the lookout for if you see a teen being sneaky with their Bandz.


Monday, April 26, 2010

wardrobe malfunction!: beyonce

It's been a long time since we've seen a good ol' fashioned "wardrobe malfunction." I guess with summer right around the corner, y'all are about to get lucky again.

Today's victim: Beyonce.

Before we get to what you really want to see, can we just take a look at her in a bathing suit?

Maybe I'm a hater, but I don't think she's lookin' too hott.

That suit is terrible on her. She looks like a granny. And I feel like the sand is acting as her natural Photoshop and covering up all the cellulite.

Not a good look. I think this is the worst I've ever seen her.... Agreed?

Anyway, back to what you clicked the link for-

You're welcome.


Monday, March 29, 2010

my x-rated weekend

Here I am taking more of your time to talk about me... And I'm feeling less bad about it every time.

My weekend was pretty interesting, to say the least, and I think I should tell you all about it.

Why, you ask? Because I went to my first ever sex toy party.

I must admit... I talk a lot of game. I can talk about sex all day, but when it comes to seeing all these crazy toys, gadgets, creams, whatever... My face was bright red all afternoon. [Or maybe that was the hangover... Who knows.]

I'm not going to ease you into this. I'm going to show you the "heavy artillery" that our dildo lady brought to my fellow-stalker BFF's house....

Yeah... If I was never intimidated by a P before [or something that looks like it], I definitely was when these came out.

I won't even get into the different gadgets... You can do that on your own. All I'm sayin' is- If I ever invest $100+ into one of these, I will make sure it takes care of all 3 types of orgasms that a woman can have:
  • G-spot
  • C-word
  • Vajay-jay

[Other O fun facts: It's the best cure for a headache, and it burns 60-100 calories!]

This party was hilarious and so hands on! As we sat there eating our dingaling brownies, we also tested out a bunch of creams...

  • Did you know they have something that can numb the back of your throat?! It's called Heads Up, and it's goal is to prevent gagging.
  • Like A Virgin makes it so even after you get jiggy with it 23948 times, you still feel like it's the first time!
  • X-scream apparently takes us to the point of an O and keeps us there for hours. Wowza.

There's seriously a million things that left me with my mouth open in amazement. [No pun intended.] There's a whole world of sex out there that I didn't know existed!

I'm becoming speechless again. You'll have to check everything out for yourself on the website that our dildo lady represents. Be prepared to be amazed and want to spend a lot of money.

On another note, our night was just as hilarious. We brought out a brand new vibrator to a party at ODU and decided to have some fun... NOT with ourselves.

Best idea ever= Putting a vibrator in your back pocket and dancing with guys. This is how it should go:
"Your phone is... Wait... What is... What the f is that?!"
"Oh, just my vibrator."
Pull it out to show them quickly, then walk away.


Now I must go and.... Get some work done.


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

my first time on chat roulette

So I've been on this new site called Chat Roulette a couple times, but I always blocked my screen and shuffled through the people to see what I could find.

If you don't know what it is, it's a website that instantly connects you, via webcam, to people all over the world! You don't have to sign in or anything! You just go there, let your camera turn on, and talk to people! If you don't like them, you next them! [Just like the MTV show!]

I've seen some pretty crazy things, mostly X-rated, when I shuffle through quickly. During the Snowpocalypse, I finally grabbed my cussaholic BFF to join in on the fun as we talked to a bunch of people. Here is the story of my first night on Chat Roulette:

As our first "stranger," I thought they were going to be pretty lame at first. Then they started asking to see some goodies. When I told my CBFF to show his, they insisted on mine. Next!

This guy was absolutely my favorite of the night! Straight from JAPAN! He kept saying "konnichiwa" and putting his hands together and bowing. It was amazing. Then I got confused on what he was trying to say... Next!

This guy played a song for me! He also chugged a box of Franzia red wine on demand. I think we're online BFF soulmates.... Until he mentioned puking. Next!

I was officially scared for my life. Next!

He looked like he needed some friends. I tried to be his friend. I even tried to fist pump with him. He laughed at me. Next!

I let CBFF take over for a bit, and he finds a couple mooning him. I wonder who he's smiling at. [JK, dear.] That's all they did, though... Next!

As soon as we found him, he starting hitting his chest and acting like a gorilla. I'm a big fan of monkeys, but wow. Too much. Next!

As much as I love Christmas lights as jewelry, it's not Christmas anymore, homie. Next!

Now, our night didn't stop there. We found more people, and like I said, the X-rated nonsense. Lots of people diddling, sexing, etc. Since I know my readers love that kind of stuff, I'm posting it.

Why the h are they looking at the camera?! That's creepy. Stick to your job, girl. Next!

This is just a picture, and I guess CBFF thought it was funny, but gross. Barf. In. My. Mouth. Done with the night! Exit! NOW!

I can't wait to do this again! It was fun, I'm not going to lie! My only recommendation: Make sure you're hammered.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

greg oden's junk is for the ladies' pleasure

Oh boy.

It's been a long while since I've had a NSFW post for the ladies.. They're very few and far between, unfortunately.

Welp... Ladies... Here ya go. NBA star Greg Oden's stuff is front row and center in a couple pictures that were leaked by some girl he probably cheated on. [When are people going to learn that A) you should never send nakey pictures, period. and B) if you're going to, you better treat that person right for life.]

It's XXX rated so uh.... Yeah. Click here.

[I still don't know how to talk after looking... Yikes.]



Tuesday, January 12, 2010

meet roxxxy: the sex robot

Apparently the good ol' Rabbit vibrator is a thing of the past. Handcuffs: So yesterday.

Nowadays we're looking for full-on sexual partners that aren't real.

The best one out there: Roxxxy.

You can watch the video below [which is definitely a little awkward], but basically this... mmm... thing.... does anything you would want a girlfriend to do [besides stay in the kitchen]. She has sex with you, talks to you, talks dirty if you want her to, and stays by your side. Plus, she's totally down for anything.

Seriously. She has sensors all over her body that help her react to your touch, she has orgasms, and 3 different personalities that you can choose from: Prude, normal, and sex kitten.

Did I mention she'll even learn your name?!

I'm assuming she'd even be down for some girl-on-girl, if you're into that sorta thing...

I'll be honest- I think it's pretty incredible that someone can really create such a thing. Can a sex robot really get any better?! [Well, there's always room for improvement... But I'd start with her looks. She's totally creepy.]

I wonder if they'll start doing all sorts of robot porn now... That'd be totally awkward.

Anyway... For all you sex-fiends and creeps out there, save up your money. She's obviously not a cheap hooker. 7,000$ is what you'll have to dish out for your ultimate, True Companion.


PS: This creator obviously hearts her. He clearly has a little somethin' somethin' pokin' down there. I'm sure the sexual tension is just rising the whole time he's presenting her.