nifty?: naughty silly bandz

Ya know the new "craze" within teens-Silly Bandz? They're the pack of rubber band bracelets found on the counter at 7-11 or other convenience stores and they're shaped like anything and everything under the sun.

Now they're even getting a little X-rated with it.

Or I guess I should say a LOT X-rated!

For the record, Hicky-contest-havin BFF, this does NOT mean they're cool for big kids. These are just something to be on the lookout for if you see a teen being sneaky with their Bandz.

love,
elizabethany

wardrobe malfunction!: beyonce

It's been a long time since we've seen a good ol' fashioned "wardrobe malfunction." I guess with summer right around the corner, y'all are about to get lucky again.

Today's victim: Beyonce.

Before we get to what you really want to see, can we just take a look at her in a bathing suit?

Maybe I'm a hater, but I don't think she's lookin' too hott.

That suit is terrible on her. She looks like a granny. And I feel like the sand is acting as her natural Photoshop and covering up all the cellulite.

Not a good look. I think this is the worst I've ever seen her.... Agreed?

Anyway, back to what you clicked the link for-

You're welcome.

love,
elizabethany

my x-rated weekend

Here I am taking more of your time to talk about me... And I'm feeling less bad about it every time.

My weekend was pretty interesting, to say the least, and I think I should tell you all about it.

Why, you ask? Because I went to my first ever sex toy party.

I must admit... I talk a lot of game. I can talk about sex all day, but when it comes to seeing all these crazy toys, gadgets, creams, whatever... My face was bright red all afternoon. [Or maybe that was the hangover... Who knows.]

I'm not going to ease you into this. I'm going to show you the "heavy artillery" that our dildo lady brought to my fellow-stalker BFF's house....


Yeah... If I was never intimidated by a P before [or something that looks like it], I definitely was when these came out.

I won't even get into the different gadgets... You can do that on your own. All I'm sayin' is- If I ever invest $100+ into one of these, I will make sure it takes care of all 3 types of orgasms that a woman can have:

• G-spot
• C-word
• Vajay-jay

[Other O fun facts: It's the best cure for a headache, and it burns 60-100 calories!]

This party was hilarious and so hands on! As we sat there eating our dingaling brownies, we also tested out a bunch of creams...

• Did you know they have something that can numb the back of your throat?! It's called Heads Up, and it's goal is to prevent gagging.
  
• Like A Virgin makes it so even after you get jiggy with it 23948 times, you still feel like it's the first time!
• X-scream apparently takes us to the point of an O and keeps us there for hours. Wowza.
  

There's seriously a million things that left me with my mouth open in amazement. [No pun intended.] There's a whole world of sex out there that I didn't know existed!

I'm becoming speechless again. You'll have to check everything out for yourself on the website that our dildo lady represents. Be prepared to be amazed and want to spend a lot of money.


On another note, our night was just as hilarious. We brought out a brand new vibrator to a party at ODU and decided to have some fun... NOT with ourselves.

Best idea ever= Putting a vibrator in your back pocket and dancing with guys. This is how it should go:

"Your phone is... Wait... What is... What the f is that?!"
"Oh, just my vibrator."
Pull it out to show them quickly, then walk away.

Priceless.

Now I must go and.... Get some work done.

love,
elizabethany

my first time on chat roulette

So I've been on this new site called Chat Roulette a couple times, but I always blocked my screen and shuffled through the people to see what I could find.

If you don't know what it is, it's a website that instantly connects you, via webcam, to people all over the world! You don't have to sign in or anything! You just go there, let your camera turn on, and talk to people! If you don't like them, you next them! [Just like the MTV show!]

I've seen some pretty crazy things, mostly X-rated, when I shuffle through quickly. During the Snowpocalypse, I finally grabbed my cussaholic BFF to join in on the fun as we talked to a bunch of people. Here is the story of my first night on Chat Roulette:

As our first "stranger," I thought they were going to be pretty lame at first. Then they started asking to see some goodies. When I told my CBFF to show his, they insisted on mine. Next!



This guy was absolutely my favorite of the night! Straight from JAPAN! He kept saying "konnichiwa" and putting his hands together and bowing. It was amazing. Then I got confused on what he was trying to say... Next!



This guy played a song for me! He also chugged a box of Franzia red wine on demand. I think we're online BFF soulmates.... Until he mentioned puking. Next!



I was officially scared for my life. Next!



He looked like he needed some friends. I tried to be his friend. I even tried to fist pump with him. He laughed at me. Next!



I let CBFF take over for a bit, and he finds a couple mooning him. I wonder who he's smiling at. [JK, dear.] That's all they did, though... Next!



As soon as we found him, he starting hitting his chest and acting like a gorilla. I'm a big fan of monkeys, but wow. Too much. Next!



As much as I love Christmas lights as jewelry, it's not Christmas anymore, homie. Next!

Now, our night didn't stop there. We found more people, and like I said, the X-rated nonsense. Lots of people diddling, sexing, etc. Since I know my readers love that kind of stuff, I'm posting it.

Why the h are they looking at the camera?! That's creepy. Stick to your job, girl. Next!



This is just a picture, and I guess CBFF thought it was funny, but gross. Barf. In. My. Mouth. Done with the night! Exit! NOW!

I can't wait to do this again! It was fun, I'm not going to lie! My only recommendation: Make sure you're hammered.

love,
elizabethany

greg oden's junk is for the ladies' pleasure

Oh boy.

It's been a long while since I've had a NSFW post for the ladies.. They're very few and far between, unfortunately.

Welp... Ladies... Here ya go. NBA star Greg Oden's stuff is front row and center in a couple pictures that were leaked by some girl he probably cheated on. [When are people going to learn that A) you should never send nakey pictures, period. and B) if you're going to, you better treat that person right for life.]

It's XXX rated so uh.... Yeah. Click here.

[I still don't know how to talk after looking... Yikes.]



.....

love,
elizabethany

meet roxxxy: the sex robot

Apparently the good ol' Rabbit vibrator is a thing of the past. Handcuffs: So yesterday.

Nowadays we're looking for full-on sexual partners that aren't real.

The best one out there: Roxxxy.

You can watch the video below [which is definitely a little awkward], but basically this... mmm... thing.... does anything you would want a girlfriend to do [besides stay in the kitchen]. She has sex with you, talks to you, talks dirty if you want her to, and stays by your side. Plus, she's totally down for anything.

Seriously. She has sensors all over her body that help her react to your touch, she has orgasms, and 3 different personalities that you can choose from: Prude, normal, and sex kitten.

Did I mention she'll even learn your name?!

I'm assuming she'd even be down for some girl-on-girl, if you're into that sorta thing...

I'll be honest- I think it's pretty incredible that someone can really create such a thing. Can a sex robot really get any better?! [Well, there's always room for improvement... But I'd start with her looks. She's totally creepy.]

I wonder if they'll start doing all sorts of robot porn now... That'd be totally awkward.

Anyway... For all you sex-fiends and creeps out there, save up your money. She's obviously not a cheap hooker. 7,000$ is what you'll have to dish out for your ultimate, True Companion.

love,
elizabethany

PS: This creator obviously hearts her. He clearly has a little somethin' somethin' pokin' down there. I'm sure the sexual tension is just rising the whole time he's presenting her.

watch: animals do it too

I recently found this website that has a bunch of different ways to describe "self-love," and I plan on using plenty of them in this post.

You see, animals are really just like us in many ways. They too like to prime the pump, buff the muff, and take the flute to band camp.

Sometimes they try to use other subjects, but some also figure out how to travel outside of New Jersey and self-serve.

Take this gorilla for example. He's found a toy of sorts in his new toad friend.




Or, they can really rely on the act of flying solo like this dog:



I mean, is there really any difference between human and animal these days?! I'm just not sure...


Okay.. Time to snap back into it.

That gorilla needs to chill out before he gets arrested for rape.

The dog's owners need to leave him alone and let him do his thing! He's clearly sitting comfortably on the couch, watching TV, all by himself. Does he interrupt you when you're doing that?! [He probably does, huh? He doesn't know any better, though!]

Oh man. This is crazy, hilarious, gross, and disturbing all in one. It's what I call a fantastic share.

Do your thing, animals... Do your thing.

love,
elizabethany