my first time on chat roulette

So I've been on this new site called Chat Roulette a couple times, but I always blocked my screen and shuffled through the people to see what I could find.

If you don't know what it is, it's a website that instantly connects you, via webcam, to people all over the world! You don't have to sign in or anything! You just go there, let your camera turn on, and talk to people! If you don't like them, you next them! [Just like the MTV show!]

I've seen some pretty crazy things, mostly X-rated, when I shuffle through quickly. During the Snowpocalypse, I finally grabbed my cussaholic BFF to join in on the fun as we talked to a bunch of people. Here is the story of my first night on Chat Roulette:

As our first "stranger," I thought they were going to be pretty lame at first. Then they started asking to see some goodies. When I told my CBFF to show his, they insisted on mine. Next!



This guy was absolutely my favorite of the night! Straight from JAPAN! He kept saying "konnichiwa" and putting his hands together and bowing. It was amazing. Then I got confused on what he was trying to say... Next!



This guy played a song for me! He also chugged a box of Franzia red wine on demand. I think we're online BFF soulmates.... Until he mentioned puking. Next!



I was officially scared for my life. Next!



He looked like he needed some friends. I tried to be his friend. I even tried to fist pump with him. He laughed at me. Next!



I let CBFF take over for a bit, and he finds a couple mooning him. I wonder who he's smiling at. [JK, dear.] That's all they did, though... Next!



As soon as we found him, he starting hitting his chest and acting like a gorilla. I'm a big fan of monkeys, but wow. Too much. Next!



As much as I love Christmas lights as jewelry, it's not Christmas anymore, homie. Next!

Now, our night didn't stop there. We found more people, and like I said, the X-rated nonsense. Lots of people diddling, sexing, etc. Since I know my readers love that kind of stuff, I'm posting it.

Why the h are they looking at the camera?! That's creepy. Stick to your job, girl. Next!



This is just a picture, and I guess CBFF thought it was funny, but gross. Barf. In. My. Mouth. Done with the night! Exit! NOW!

I can't wait to do this again! It was fun, I'm not going to lie! My only recommendation: Make sure you're hammered.

love,
elizabethany

greg oden's junk is for the ladies' pleasure

Oh boy.

It's been a long while since I've had a NSFW post for the ladies.. They're very few and far between, unfortunately.

Welp... Ladies... Here ya go. NBA star Greg Oden's stuff is front row and center in a couple pictures that were leaked by some girl he probably cheated on. [When are people going to learn that A) you should never send nakey pictures, period. and B) if you're going to, you better treat that person right for life.]

It's XXX rated so uh.... Yeah. Click here.

[I still don't know how to talk after looking... Yikes.]



.....

love,
elizabethany

meet roxxxy: the sex robot

Apparently the good ol' Rabbit vibrator is a thing of the past. Handcuffs: So yesterday.

Nowadays we're looking for full-on sexual partners that aren't real.

The best one out there: Roxxxy.

You can watch the video below [which is definitely a little awkward], but basically this... mmm... thing.... does anything you would want a girlfriend to do [besides stay in the kitchen]. She has sex with you, talks to you, talks dirty if you want her to, and stays by your side. Plus, she's totally down for anything.

Seriously. She has sensors all over her body that help her react to your touch, she has orgasms, and 3 different personalities that you can choose from: Prude, normal, and sex kitten.

Did I mention she'll even learn your name?!

I'm assuming she'd even be down for some girl-on-girl, if you're into that sorta thing...

I'll be honest- I think it's pretty incredible that someone can really create such a thing. Can a sex robot really get any better?! [Well, there's always room for improvement... But I'd start with her looks. She's totally creepy.]

I wonder if they'll start doing all sorts of robot porn now... That'd be totally awkward.

Anyway... For all you sex-fiends and creeps out there, save up your money. She's obviously not a cheap hooker. 7,000$ is what you'll have to dish out for your ultimate, True Companion.

love,
elizabethany

PS: This creator obviously hearts her. He clearly has a little somethin' somethin' pokin' down there. I'm sure the sexual tension is just rising the whole time he's presenting her.

watch: animals do it too

I recently found this website that has a bunch of different ways to describe "self-love," and I plan on using plenty of them in this post.

You see, animals are really just like us in many ways. They too like to prime the pump, buff the muff, and take the flute to band camp.

Sometimes they try to use other subjects, but some also figure out how to travel outside of New Jersey and self-serve.

Take this gorilla for example. He's found a toy of sorts in his new toad friend.




Or, they can really rely on the act of flying solo like this dog:



I mean, is there really any difference between human and animal these days?! I'm just not sure...


Okay.. Time to snap back into it.

That gorilla needs to chill out before he gets arrested for rape.

The dog's owners need to leave him alone and let him do his thing! He's clearly sitting comfortably on the couch, watching TV, all by himself. Does he interrupt you when you're doing that?! [He probably does, huh? He doesn't know any better, though!]

Oh man. This is crazy, hilarious, gross, and disturbing all in one. It's what I call a fantastic share.

Do your thing, animals... Do your thing.

love,
elizabethany

christmas gift ideas: part one

My family won't stop bugging me for a Christmas list. I don't have anything specific that I want, so I just keep telling them to check my blog for nifty things.

Now I'm thinking that other people may need gift ideas for themselves, boyfriends, girlfriends, family members, etc, and I can be a huge help! There's only 38 days to go, after all!

So I'm scouring all over the Internet [I love saying that] looking for the nifty-est things to throw under the Christmas tree.

Today I'm looking at items on one specific website, which isn't in the US so for some of them, you may need a currency translation, but that doesn't mean it's not worth it.


The Sculpta Sutra Kit
You don't have to try out every position on your own... You can sculpt it out first to see if it'll really work!






Boxing Grannies
Forget the Rock 'Em Sock 'Ems, these grannies make it even funnier! It's a shame they don't have mud wrestling hotties, huh?!








Vinyl-Style Recordable CDs
Sometimes it's fun to go back in time but still have things that will work and play music.







Maggie Thatcher Nutcracker
Must there be an explanation for this gem?









Make Your Own Sex Toy Book
Stop it. This can't be real... But it is! And everyone wants it now.








Shower Radio/Microphone
Who doesn't sing in the shower?! Now you can have your own little karaoke machine with you every morning when you enter your own world.





Chocolate Clone-a-Willy Kit
This would be both great and not so great for you and your partner. Ladies, you get to eat the chocolate [and I guess practice your skills?] while your guy watches you and probably loves it. The downside: it won't keep it's shape forever, you may not want to see every detail, and he's going to want you to just do the real thing.

iBoob Pillow
A two-in-one greatness: A pillow shaped as boobs for you to... Well, whatever you want... That doubles as speakers for your iPod.





Pretty great. Prett-tyyyy great.

Let the countdown continue, and your list grow!!

love,
elizabethany

eva mendes is showin' some skin

There's somethin' about Eva Mendes that is hott, but in your not-so-typical way.

Anyway, that's a known fact. This week has been quite the skin-bearing week for her and it's only just begun!

It started with her racy Calvin Klein billboard in New York.

Apparently parents are going nuts over it saying it's inappropriate, and even officials are stepping in saying it's causing traffic jams and hazards and needs to be taken down right away.

So she's a little sweaty, grabbing a guy's underwear, spreading her legs, and wearing lace lingerie... So whattt?! It can't be that distracting.... Right?!

She also got caught letting a little somethin'somethin' slip out.

You should know what I mean, and understand why you're going to need to click the picture below to see what happened when she turned just a little too much.

Woah, chica!!! You got somethin' showin'!! Watch out! People might zoom in on it!

She literally looks like she just hopped up out of her boyfriend's bed, threw on his shirt, forgot to button it all the way up, and hit the carpet before she could brush her hair.

Her nipple also looks kind of awkward to me... Does anyone agree?

Nonetheless... It's a nip slip... And I know how much you guys love a good nip slip!

You're welcome, and I'm sorry.. It's been a while.

love,
elizabethany

watch: a very whimsical weiner

Duh: Other countries have way more X-rated commercials, TV shows, etc.

I never expected to see anything like this video I am about to show you exist period, let alone broadcast on television.

I think it's a little much for this here main page, so click here to see it and be prepared to have your jaw drop. [Hmmm... That could be taken... nevermind.]



Did you not expect it to be somewhat of a kids' instructional video at first?! I totally did. I thought he'd dance around or something.

Then... Woah. I.... Ummm.... I really don't know what to say. Wow. Just... Wow.

And just in case you were wondering... It's from Belgium.

Wow.

love,
elizabethany